Recently I was talking to my husband about motherhood and building my relationship with our daughter. As someone who lost their mom at such a young age, I find myself struggling with knowing what to do and how to do it. I told him in frustration that I felt alone and like I had no one to help guide me through this and his response to me was “do you think God would leave you alone with no one?” It took me a minute to digest that. I actually went back and forth about writing this blog. Transparency is something I struggle with, but someone else needs to read this and know that you are not alone.
I tend to look at my friends and see their relationships with their mothers. I admire how they can take what they have and apply what they like and change what they don’t like to their relationships with their children. For me it’s a struggle to create the right mother daughter relationship and bond with in my opinion; nothing to pull from. Most days I wish I could just call my mother and ask her how I was as a child or ask her for advice on what to do with my children. And that night in the middle of my pity party my dear sweet husband basically tells me to get over it. I have to admit I was shocked but then I was thankful. I was thankful that he didn’t coddle me. He forced me to look to God and within myself. I was forced to confront my insecurity of not being a great mom. How many of you have something that has been weighing on you? Or feel like you don’t know what you are doing?
After talking to my husband, I began to pray about it for days. I knew God would never leave me alone and never allow me to feel like I don’t know what I am doing and for it to turn into the insecurity that it did. Honestly, it took me weeks to finally write this. It wasn’t something I wanted to share but as a part of my healing and overcoming I need to address it. I also want to share with you a scripture that is helping me through this moment. In James 1:5-6 it says If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. In other words, if you don’t know what you are doing just PRAY and ask God. God loves you and wants to help you! God will also not be condescending when He helps you. Be bold in your faith and believe that He will supply all your needs big or small.
I wrote all of this to say, no I do not have my mother here. But I have been blessed with so many women who not only love me like a daughter but love my children. In these recent weeks God has shown me so much love through some women that have always been around and some that have recently come into my life. Like the song says “my faith causes things to look better” I have faith that I will be the mother I am predestined to be, and that God will always provide whatever I need. And I know for a FACT that God will never leave me alone. I couldn’t be more thankful for my village of amazing moms and women. Thank you all for allowing God to use you and comfort me.
To my readers, I pray whatever you feel you are lacking or in need of that you ask God for it and allow him to help you and guide you.
Until next time.